Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.

Q. What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

1. They think that bonus games where you press buttons as fast as you can don't wreck your controllers enough.
2. Because they think that bonus games where you press buttons as fast as you can don't wreck your controllers enough, they introduce bonus games where you throw your controller at the floor as hard as possible.
3. They make a light-gun peripheral that shoots real bullets at your TV.
4. Their games are arcade-perfect, right down to the coin-slot in the cartridge.
5. They made a 140 hour RPG that doesn't have any way to save your game.
6. They hire people to kill good game designers so they have less competition.
7. The make a game with a 2 hour intro sequence that's just a black screen with a poorly written story and a 10 second song. ...And you have to watch it every time you turn the game on.
8. They make sports games and update the team statistics every year without updating the actual game. They just released a new version of it for Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 and it's exactly like the NES version from over a decade ago.
9. They made one of those games that let you design your own game. ...And they didn't give you any help, it's just a blank screen for you to start typing code on. ...With a control pad.
10. They made a game with with passwords that are written in digital code, they're 20 lines of 1's and 0's.
11. They made a fortune off of translating arcade games developed by an equally evil company to home systems. ...And their name starts with the letters A...c...c...l...a... --never mind!
12. They're famous makers puzzle games, they've made a total of over 50: each one a slightly different twist on Puyo Puyo.
13. They recieved a $2,000,000 grant from a video game lover and blew it all on making CD-i games.
*Bonus* Sign you shouldn't be at this site: You were the guy that gave them the 2 million dollar grant.
14.They build arcade cabinets that have robot arms on the back to unplug neighboring machines.
15. They wanted to go down in the record books for making the world's longest controller cord. Their latest console comes with a controller that responds two seconds after you push the button because the cord is so long.
16. They make games that combine the powers of all of the mainstream systems: They're expensive and take too long to come out like the ones on Nintendo 64, they're hard to make like Saturn games, and almost all of them suck like Playstation games.
17. They've found a way to make a fortune off of full-motion-video games and won't tell anybody else. ...Wait, maybe that means they're really good.

1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3. If it moves, KILL IT!
4. Operating any vehicle or weapon is simple and requires no training.
5. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker than they are to do their dirty work.
6. If you find food lying on the ground, eat it.
7. You can smash things and get away with it.
a. Smashing things doesn't hurt. b. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
8. When someone dies, they disappear.
9. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
10. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
11. You never run out of bullets, only grenades.
12. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
13. Whenever huge evil fat men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
14. When you are born, you're invulnerable for a brief period of time.
15. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in predictable patterns which makes it easier for you to shoot them all down.
16. All women wear revealing clothing and have great bodies.
17. The enemy always leaves weapons and ammo laying around for no other reason than so their bitter enemies can pick them up and defeat them with it.
18. You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
19. Gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
20. When driving, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new one will appear in its place.
21. Anyone that can't jump over six feet high probably can't jump at all.
22. Even the lowest lifeforms such as worms, slugs, and slimes carry money.
23. A good way to hurt someone is to do the following: 1. Hold up your hands, 2. (optional) Stomp the ground, 3. A large object (like a rock) falls from the top of the screen, 4. Catch the large object, and 5. Throw it.
24. In November 1995, there was an American law passed that banned hand-drawn, platform-action games.

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.
One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing?
I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before.
What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But, I don't understand" says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend,
looks at him through bloodshot eyes,
smiles,
and then slurs,
"Not anymore you ain't! ... He is!"