|DeeEll||Nov 4, 2007|
|Mindrax||Aug 13, 2010|
St Peter was amazed to find 5 Aussies at the pearly gates one morning.
Even more unlikely, there was one from each of the biggest cities. St Peter looked at quota for the day and realised he had a problem. So he went to ‘The Boss’ for advice.
“Hey Boss!” He said “We have 5 Aussies at the gates today, but we only have quota for four. What do I do?”
“Don’t worry about it!” Replied ‘The
were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi "If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
"The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are
One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"
The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach , Florida .
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do
10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at twenty dollars.''
9.) ''I'm sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board. We don't yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends. And we are required to check your bags.''
8.) ''Yes sir, we are aware of the biohazard tag on your luggage and no, you don't want to know it's origin. I
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.... If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humour.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I then noticed the car was partly in the bus stop so I went up to him and said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a retired