Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM

1. They think that bonus games where you press buttons as fast as you can don't wreck your controllers enough.
2. Because they think that bonus games where you press buttons as fast as you can don't wreck your controllers enough, they introduce bonus games where you throw your controller at the floor as hard as possible.
3. They make a light-gun peripheral that shoots real bullets at your

1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3. If it moves, KILL IT!
4. Operating any vehicle or weapon is simple and requires no training.
5. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker than they are to do their dirty work.
6. If you find food lying on the ground, eat it.
7. You can smash things and get

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.
One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing?
I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before.
What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My

A guy dies and is sent to Hell.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in s**t up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with s**t up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room.
People are

Instructions: Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...


How many F's?

are you sure about that?

Everyone farts, admit it or not. Kings fart, Queens fart. Edward Lear, the 19th century English landscape painter, wrote affectionately of a favourite Duchess who gave enormous dinner parties attended by the cream of society.
One night she let out a ripper and quick as a flash she turned her gaze to her stoic butler, standing, as always, behind her.

"Hawkins!" she cried, "Stop

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other

A man was in the local shopping centre carpark and he noticed that another man had locked his keys in his car.

He approached the distressed man and asked if he would like help getting his keys out of his car. The answer was yes, so the man walked up to the car and rubbed his pant legs against the driver's door. Up popped the lock.

The other man was amazed and asked how he did