Mick and Paddy were walking home from the pub.

Mick says to Paddy, 'I can't be bothered to walk all that way.'

'I know,' says Paddy, 'but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot,' Mick suggests.

They arrive at the bus depot and Mick tells Paddy to go in and get a bus while he keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for

The train was quite crowded, so a Redneck U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a
well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your

I haven't had the need to see if this actually works or not ;;



But they say,


If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,


you should drink some Windex first.

It helps to keep you from streaking.

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car

SMART A--- ANSWER #1

It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.



SMART A--- ANSWER #2

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?

The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.

Two days later she asks her father the same question.

The father answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom', how is it possible

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working dilgently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, "Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden