1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the

After having dug to a depth of 20 meters last year, English scientists found traces of copper wire dating back over 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 200 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, Scottish scientists dug to a depth of 30 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read:

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow

A man feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40

A woman walks up to the spare parts counter and a Holden dealer and asks the attendant for a 710 cap. Not knowing what that was, and not wanting to appear ignorant, he looked it up on the computer. Well low and behold he could not find it. So he asks her again what she was after. "A 710 cap" she replies.

It has him stumped so he goes out back to the workshop and asks Sid, a mechanic with

I'm not usually one for posting warnings but I had a close call
yesterday.
I walked into Bunning's hardware at lunchtime & some old guy dressed in a red shirt with a green apron asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in & sorted the old bastard out.

Those less suspecting and more trusting might not be so lucky.


Send this warning on to all your friends

Well since i join the club i say:

LETS GO **** **** **** *** ************



**edited by DL - uncalled for language**

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your best scotch." The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender. "Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," The man says "Oh my god," the bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies "50 cents."

I walked into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then took out a perfume bottle and sprayed scent all over them.

My curiosity getting the better of me, I asked him what he is doing.

The man told me, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed,

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy B*st*rd)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in