An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.
Curious, I pinned a note

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on so he called one of his angels and sent the angel to earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."

So God called

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the

Three blokes walking down the street ...
Two of them walked into a bar ...
The third ducked!

.

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we

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Calories Burned During Sex:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.....................................12 Calories
Without her consent............................2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485

"OLD" IS WHEN - - - Your sweetie say' "Let's go upstairs and make love, and your answer, "Pick one: I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN - - - your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and your barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN - - - A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN - - - Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD"

St Peter was amazed to find 5 Aussies at the pearly gates one morning.
Even more unlikely, there was one from each of the biggest cities. St Peter looked at quota for the day and realised he had a problem. So he went to ‘The Boss’ for advice.

“Hey Boss!” He said “We have 5 Aussies at the gates today, but we only have quota for four. What do I do?”

“Don’t worry about it!” Replied ‘The

were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi "If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

"The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.