Hi there, glad to be alive? I sure am! Feels like we dodged another bullet there, December 21st has arrived, no fiery balls of death or biblical plagues to be seen!
Phew! Let's all take a nice, deep breath and take a moment to look back on all those times this beautiful little human world of ours came withing a hair's breadth of total annihilation!...according to those guys with the sandwich boards at least.
Now us humans seem to have built up a little fetish with these doomsday scenarios. Peculiarly enough (well maybe not so much) many of the end of the world scares had a direct link to Christianity. Apocalypses and second comings abound for all ages! Here's a little summup since going into any sort of detail would take ages. These are just a FEW of the many many many times we almost all died and the people that announced the joyous news.
Earliest Christians - 1 generation after Christ's death
The Montanists - sometime in their lifetime (handy that)
Hilary of Poitiers - 365, cause fancy number!
Martin of Tours - By the year 400, fanciER number!
Hippolytus of Rome, Sextus Julius Africanus AND Irenaeus - The year 500, cause how much fancier can you get really?!
Beatus of Liébana - 793, Apr 6, announced the end of the world to a crowd of people, looked like a bit of a tit afterwards
Gregory of Tours - somewhere 799 and 806, the magic of math!
Sextus Julius Africanus - 800...remember this guy from before? Yeah, changed his mind.
Thiota - 848, was really hoping to miss dinner with the in-laws
Pope Sylvester II - The year 1000...cause COME ON! This is like the best number ever!
Some Christian guys - 1033, one big fancy number after the death of Christ, surely this will work eventually?!
Various christian prophets - 1184...went to the same party
John of Toledo - A new technique! Predicted the end of the world through planetary alignment, never went out of style since!
Joachim of Fiore - somewhere between 1200 and 1260, cause fuck it that sounds about right
Pope Innocent III - 1284 (666 years after rise of Islam), this one came from the guys at PR
Joachimites - followers of Joachim, pretended everything was fine after 1260, revised to 1290...and then to 1335...look we forgot to carry the one okay?!
Europeans - 1346–51, the black plague...okay, that one made some sense
Quite frankly, this list is so long it just silly to list all of them. Here's a few more to round off.
Melchior Hoffman (with that name, I'd believe him!) - 1533 in strassbourg, He claimed that 144,000 people would be saved, while the rest of the world would be consumed by fire.
Martin Luther (yes that one) - Was conviced the world would be over by 1600
Some Christians again - 1656...1656 is the number of years between Creation and the Great Flood in the bible. See now they we're starting to get creative! Think outside the box and all that.
Christians - 1666, aaaaand back to the fancy number theory!
The Prophet Hen of Leeds (yes a chicken) - In Leeds, England in 1806 a hen began laying eggs on which the phrase "Christ is coming" was written. Eventually it was discovered to be a hoax. The hoaxster had written on the eggs in a corrosive ink so as to etch the eggs, and reinserted the eggs back into the hen.
Okay, that's a good one to cap the list off with! Besides, it's all the same afterwards really.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Probably best to keep acting like everything will be fine :)